it's hard to believe this shot was taken while the sky was pitch black. but it's amazing to see how snow lights up with the slightest bit of light. everything glows a lil bit yellow.

just one of my attempts to capture just a little bit of the wonder.

its vancouver. and its rainging again. as usual i suppose. this time the weather-people have been calling what we've been experiencing as a "storm". its wet. but not only wet, but windy. not a good combination for quite a handful of ubc trekkers.

just a brisk walk across campus clearly indicates the many victims of the current wet spout. discarded umbrellas lay in garbage cans. some just lay here and there. so many umbrellas. i imagine the people now umbrella-less. what a day they must be having.

i have the opportunity to meet all sorts of people at work. most times its quite interesting. almost a picture into the heart of the world we live in. i encountered quite a number of faces today. lets talk about three.


one. the new immigrant coming in to apply for seasonal kettle work. i sit her down and give her the usual paperwork speil as i go back to multitasking the piles of little things i'm responsible for. a little while into it as im running to the other end of the building i see her pop out with a question. i spend the next little while helping her fill out the un-understandables for tax forms as well as other little things. i compliment her english and find out a little bit more about her as we chat. at the end of it all we are glad to have met each other. as she smiles and uses our bathrooms before heading home.

two. the real estate agent. we partner with various organizations to do all the things we do. this lady is in charge of a blanket drive. i open the door for her as she asks if i am ian. i say yes. and ask her how i can help. its always interesting when people ask specifically for me. makes me feel a little bit more special i suppose. this one however was not quite. lost amidst a superior tone, i feel her placing her experience, age above my welcome. she claims to have recently talked to me. looking back, if recent was an voicemail message i had left a month ago, then i guess she was right. scrambling to place her. i turn to kam as he pops out of the office. he helps take control of the situation. this isnt like me. i still feel her tone as she speaks with kam. this all lasted a minute or two.

three. the fast talking lady. she came at the end of the day. asking to be a part of choir that doesn't exist. she demads to speak with the person in charge insisting to speak to the person in charge. kam's out of the office. but tracy, one of the pastors (but of something else) happens to be there in the doorway as i try to speak to this lady. we try to explain how there are no choirs here, but perhaps she is inquiring about kettles. since some people choose to sing while they collect donations. she wants no part in the kettles. yet she refuses to listen. believing that it can't be that there is no such choir because her friend had told her about it. she now demands "the chinese in charge". tracy writes kams name on a post it along with the office phone number. she leaves the office.

admist the experiences. im glad i work where i work. meeting and experiencing. more importantly working on caring. showing people the heart of it all. just by talking and helping where we can. i think i went through the range of it all today. from the unmentioned, rhonda, the battered woman on disability with the empty fridge. to the high class real estate agent in charge of a blanket drive. its interesting who the recognation comes from.

im twenty-two. who do you see?

currently, ive stolen one to warm the bottom two feet of my room.

i've never been a huge fan of blenz. im more of starbucks guy myself. i don't really know exactly why that is. perhaps its how ive been commercialized. i like how starbucks is warmer. with its dark earth tones and background jazz music. as if its for the sophisticated or something. blenz is much more bright and lively. perhaps that doesn't appeal to me when i'm seated for coffee. not to mention the un-navigatable drink menu at blenz.

you meet interesting characters in your travels. it was a time to catch up and just relax. me with my classic chai latte, and my two friends armed with their hot chocolate and matte machiato.

we chatted about all sorts of things. life, school, work. future-things. just usual catching up coffe talk. enter the shad. who was listening in on our conversation as he typed away on his laptop making use of the free wireless internet.

he introduced himself and presented a potential offer of employment. stating his wife worked in the non-profit and was planning to set something up in vancouver. non profit work was something i had been talking about. he applogized for his eavesdropping.

the group of us chatted more. learning a little bit about each other. he was quite the character. talkative in an almost rambling kind of way. but that was alright. it's not everyday the guy next to you at the coffeeshop introduces himself. i wonder'd if our faith showed in our demeanor.


shad is a musician. with problems getting home to the states due to border issues involving proper paperwork. it stemed around being canadian living in LA. various topics bounced here and there. at one point he ran off to his car to get samples for us. Albums for two of us, and a radio sample for the other. i got the album. after a while things were back as they were. us chatting about life friends and the like. him on his laptop with nothing more except a handshake and a "nice talking to you" as we left the coffeeplace just before 1am.

i dont tend to blog much anymore. but perhaps this can be a therapy of sorts. a way to release the big picture in words. words that not everyone may understand. but words for myself. and maybe others. hard to say really.

i think i tend to reflect alot sometimes. in phases i think. but theres always something that sparks the thought process. i think about the growth that has lead to distance. the passion that has led to me being quite alone, with perhaps a couple people at my side. no one really gets it.

its not a abandoning but rather a distancing that has happened due to various reasons.

i find myself sitting back.


lost among the happy faces. all connected to each other. something i kind of had. but i pushed. pushed for more. i dont think i got it in any of the right places.

today it stung. stung real bad. ive been trying to brush it off all afternoon. but i don't think this one is going away without a long nights rest.

i think of how to fight back. how to stop from doing things to give a taste of my contribution. perhaps a desparate plea for recognition of some sort. the only thing my efforts have brought is requests for more.

my kids are my heart. its all i truely have left. along with worship. where is the fellowship. the support i longed so hard to build when i started it all. i think i lost it somewhere.


alone i am. in the woods maybe. with no place really to run.